Archive for the ‘My Walk’ Category

Endurance In The Midst

Today my heart wonders why life has to be so hard?  Why being in God’s best does not mean life is easy? Why one-step forward for things that are good demands strength and resolve that should have leveled mountains by now?
And then I remember – He’s called the God who gives endurance. And because I know [...]

Truth in Solitude

I’m on a solitude retreat- 72 hours of only me and God, 4 hours carved out for “external” things that refuel me… and hence, I’m writing.
Months ago, an encouraging word was put on my heart for a friend: Solitude is fertile soil for your heart.  God’s been whispering that back to me since I heeded [...]

It is Finished

Those were His last three words on the cross.  And coming from the lips of my savior- they should mean so much more peace for me than what I’ve been living.
I’ve been seriously worried
…seriously emotional
…seriously caught up in a game of what-ifs
Until today.  I was singing Mighty to Save and the words He conquered the grave spoke [...]

Hand-Sewn Clothes

He made them hand-sewn clothes.
After God’s heart was broken by Adam and Eve’s choice to eat the forbidden fruit and before He banished them from the Garden of Eden, He made them hand-sewn clothes.
I don’t know how many times I’ve read these beginning chapters of Genesis, but I’ve never paused and felt the weight of [...]

Buried Alive

Dark.
Trapped.
Confined.
…but breathing. Living. Ready to resurface.
I’m not sure why I think I can just bury “my issues” and expect them to suffocate and die.  It doesn’t work like that.   When I leave things buried alive they lurk, just beneath the surface, waiting to influence me another day,  in subtle ways.
I’ve been thinking about this [...]

Collateral Growth

My reflective brain can’t get close to the New Year without first looking back.  And when I do- it’s like looking into a passenger-side mirror from the driver’s seat and reading a warning: The events of this year are closer than they appear. 2009 has been intense. When I look back at what should have [...]

Grace is Messy

I’ve been missing the bigger picture by thinking about grace as a neatly packaged gift that results in the tidying of my soul.  Because I need a whole lot of grace- I think it’s the gift I’m most mindful of this holiday season. I’m unwrapping it to find something much different than I anticipated.  I’m [...]

He Provides…

In our 12 years of marriage- Dave and I have had one six-month season where we both had professional jobs.  Aside from that- our path has looked a little different than the norm.  We’ve had lots of seasons like the current one- where having our needs met is totally dependent on divine intervention.  And guess [...]

All-In

I’ve only played poker a handful of times- but I love that moment when you push all of your chips to the middle of the table and say “all in”.  I love that phrase and the weight behind it.  I love the carefree appearance of a calculated move.  When you’re all-in, it’s purposeful and intentional [...]

Like A Thief in the Night

The enemy of our hearts is described as a thief in the night (John 10:10).  This has become a loaded description for me since we’ve had 4 break-ins on our mission base over the past three months. In response, we’ve set up a night-watch patrol schedule, put alarms on some of the buildings, and taken [...]

My Ceiling, Their Floor

In recent months, a specific idea has been a driving force behind my parenting:  I want the ceiling of my life- the highest heights of my inward and outward journey- to be my children’s proverbial floor.  To parent Silas and Ellie in such a way that the things I’m learning (about spirituality, character, authenticity, etc.) [...]

I Am One

My friend Danielle recently put a quote on the header of her blog- and it’s resonating in my heart. Challenging me. Making me determined to live for something (someOne) rather than being distracted by everything (everyone).  I couldn’t help but share it with you in this space too…

“I am only one, but I am one. [...]

In Their Words…

I’m pretty vocal about my discomfort in being described as a missionary, but the truth is, I love what I do. And every now and again I get to hear in their words about how Thrive Africa is making a difference.  In my role as Interim Director, I’m normally a behind-a-desk administrator but occasionally I [...]

In Bloom

It’s finally spring here in South Africa.  Our winter was long and harsh- with no indoor heat and uninsulated homes it’s a drastically different seasonal experience than stateside.  But now, the midday sun is intense and our screen-less windows beg to be opened.  The dull browns that covered the landscape are being replaced by vibrant [...]

Intimacy…

Last week I heard intimacy described as “in-to-me-see”.  I thought it was a catchy definition when I heard it- but as its continued to resurface in my thoughts- I’ve decided that it’s actually pretty profound.
I use the word intimacy frequently.  In fact, one of the things that I’ve regularly prayed for during the past year [...]

Sometimes, Never, ALWAYS

Sometimes when life is hard, I feel unseen
Sometimes when I pray, I feel unheard
Sometimes I brazenly want to shake my fist at the sky or stomp my feet in a good ol’ fashioned tantrum
And then God speaks: Who do you say that I am, Amy…
He’s never indifferent
He’s never uncaring
He’s always responsive
He is the Lord.
When God’s [...]

Overwhelmed?

Does life feel overwhelming to you too?  Like a wave barreling down from above. Like quick sand.  It feels claustrophobic. Like an overcrowded elevator on a hot summer day. I’ve felt like that a few times this week, even just moments ago.  And then, His voice says… “Choose to be overwhelmed by Me… and by [...]

Are you Hungry?

It’s a familiar passage: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled (Matthew 5:6).
When I  read over those words without really thinking twice, I knew it was time to skip a few meals.  And in doing so, I was reminded of a few things about hunger. It consumes. It [...]

Dance in the Rain

I have to fight the urge to complain. Toxic words often try to seep past the gates of my lips- and sometimes I spring a leak.  Such was my inner-battle the other day, as I was shuffling down my staircase and getting ready to head out the door- again.  I stopped midway down- partially because [...]

Bad Form?

I’m pressing on with my love-hate relationship of all things running.  I hate the actual physical labor part but I love what I learn from in it.  I learn a lot about how my mind works- about the conversations I have with myself and the way they influence my actions.  Like how when I get [...]

One Man, Two Words

Growing up, I was always the one who volunteered.  If something needed coordinated, or planned, or lead… I’d shoot my hand up in the air so fast that I was sure to be first.   Now I know, that back then I viewed leadership as if through a peephole. My “working definition” of what was involved [...]

Smash The Box

Today and tomorrow I have the privilege of leading a retreat for 24 young adults who are joining us for two months of serving in South Africa.  This morning began by us talking about the box that we tend to place God in.  The ways we confine Him with our limiting expectations, and how that [...]

Make Me Grow

There are some situations in my life right now that just plain stink.  They aren’t situations I created or that I have control over. But they impact me.  Their effects seep in to my daily life and the best way I can describe that, is that it stinks.  I was talking to God about this [...]

The Mountain

The weeks ahead are big ones.  Challenging ones. In some ways, I’ve felt like I’m facing a mountain.  So, yesterday I decided to bring my inward journey outward- and I climbed a mountain.  It was empowering. It reminded me how the things I’m facing this month will be conquered in just the same way: one [...]

I Need a Band-Aid

The last few days have been challenging ones. It started Easter evening. The day had been full of goodness- morning church service, afternoon braai (cookout)- and I went home around 6 feeling physically exhausted but with a full heart. It was about a half-hour later that Silas wanted nothing to do with his Easter [...]

Strip It Off

It’s Easter Sunday- so can you guess what I want to talk about??? Jesus.  Imagine that.
I can’t fathom the initial fear Mary must have felt when the angel paid her a visit, if even for a second. Not because of his presence, but because of his words. She was a pregnant. A virgin.  Engaged to [...]

Seeping Through

It is so fascinating to discover the ways that my children have a little bit of me in them… random things, that seem pretty trivial but that speak loudly about how I’ve seeped in to who they are…

I’m totally a label peeler.  I can’t stand labels on beverages, or anything else  for that matter.  And [...]

Many Shades of Gray

On my one-and-a-half mile commute to and from work I usually see a few zebras.  I love that their patterns are as unique as our finger tips… each one is distinct and irreplaceable… and yet they are also simplistic… black and white.

Sometimes, I wish my life could be like that… beautiful, yet simplistic. Black and [...]

Scarlet Letters

There are a lot of things that compete for first place in my heart.  Things like my husband, my family, my friends.  Even things that I just like spending my time on… like blogging, reading, taking and editing pictures.  The problem is, when those things subtly creep to the top of my priority list- the [...]

Let's Talk Love

I’ve been talking to God a lot about love.  How my understanding of it is so limited and how my expectations of what it should look like in my life are twisted by my humanity.  And- so it was this morning on my run to the front gate.  As my feet were pounding the pavement, [...]

Wake-Up Call

I’ve been inspired to be honest.  Transparent?  Well… no… but honest?  Yes.
There have been some circumstances in my life that have served as a wake-up call for my heart.  They’ve required that I take some personal stock and then take action.  I can see now… that I’ve been taking way too much for granted.  I’ve [...]

I Think About Her

Only since carrying a child in my womb… have I really thought long and hard about Mary. Her innocence. Her reputation. Her trust. Her willingness. Her body that swelled to hold the savior of the world- so that our hearts could be offered the same.  Her trek on a donkey while labor was imminent. Her [...]

I'm a Guest

I’m a guest blogger today over on Grit and Glory… so check it out!

Flawed

Like an annoying snag in a new pair of panty hose that just keeps running and running and running… I am flawed.
I suck at “everything in moderation”. I wear my heart on my sleeve- to a fault. I envy. I’m selfish. I whine and complain in the midst of so much to be thankful for. [...]

Get Naked

Do you ever stand in front of a full length mirror completely naked?  I do. It’s not fun… but I still think it’s necessary.  The only time in my life I would say it was fun… was during the third trimester of both of my pregnancies. That might sound crazy- but I was in awe [...]

The Fight

My mind works more like a movie than a novel.  When I think about things… I think more in images than words… So, I “watch” a story unfolding (if you will)… and then sometimes… if I’m lucky- I can capture it adequately in words.  So… I love seeing things that make me think, make me [...]

Walk with Me?

Sometimes solitude is nice… sometimes not.  So- on this morning’s walk… I took you along with me.  See what I see… (through my very small pocket camera anyway!)

Running the Race

The last few weeks- I’ve been running.  And, I should tell you… I hate running.  Nevertheless, running in a race has been on my life to-do list for some time… and I want to check it off.  The last time I was seriously pursuing this goal was before I was pregnant with Silas.  After several [...]

What Are You Growing?

This past week- when I’ve quieted my mind and focused on my heart- I keep getting this image of me standing in the middle of a garden.  It’s a large circular garden… with everything from flowers to foods… and it’s divided like a labyrinth… or with stone paths that would look like a maze from [...]

Calloused

When I want to wear sandals- my feet require a lot of upkeep to look nice.  And, with our international move- I’m having back to back summers… so I’m filing and filing away.  It’s a shame really… but I inherited some serious callouses on the bottom of my feet… from my grandma.  A few nights [...]

My Constant

My kiddos teach me so much.  Most recently- I’ve been struck by how they’ve responded to the incredible transitions we’ve made in recent months. I think of  Silas… he had the birth of a new sibling- a simultaneous evacuation from the floods in Iowa, a brief stay in Missouri while we figured out what we [...]

God's Whisper

I hopped into our truck solo, rolled down the windows, reminded myself to “stay left and shift with the left” and I headed to town. The majority of the drive is on small dirt roads that aren’t ideal for anything motorized, but they are drivable nonetheless (there is a paved road that is normally open [...]

Picked

We were lined up against the red mats that wallpapered the gymnasium. They had that odd smell- some combination of rubber and sweat. Our phys ed teacher was sporting his questionably tight polyester coach’s shorts and a silver whistle hung from his neck. We were getting ready to be formed in to teams [...]

Divine Intervention

Have you heard at least one of those great stories about how God uses a physical angel to intervene in someones life? I love stories about divine intervention- somehow they are like a shot of espresso for my heart- they confirm to me that God is active, that He is involved, that He cares. [...]

Roots and Wings

It’s been a crazy, wonderful, hard week. My mind is kind of numb and my emotions are sort of everywhere… so I’m not sure how coherent this will be… but I’ll try to keep it reader-friendly.
I can’t even put into words how thankful I am that my dear friend Alece is here. Just [...]

Making Me Matter part II

A few months ago I had the rare treat of going out to dinner with my longest-standing friend.   Her name is Alli- and from the time we were six years old until we went off to college- we lived one house apart.  In recent years though, our friendship has blossomed way beyond what sheer longevity [...]

Making Me Matter

I think it is a universal truth that we all want our lives to matter. At least I know it’s a truth for me. When my days of physically being on this earth come to an end… I want there to be a ripple effect. While my face or my name might not be seen [...]

Different than expected

So, my spring break turned out much different than I expected. I don’t want the goodness of the weekend to be overshadowed by all that followed… but words can’t really portray how God showed up among a few hundred women that had set time apart to seek Him. I will say it was good… [...]

A Mile Wide, An Inch Deep

I heard an interesting message today- a teaching on a section of Luke 10- the story of Mary and Martha when Jesus pays them a visit. Martha lived up to the modern-day association of Martha Stewart. She busied herself with housework and prepared a feast for her guests. She put on the front of [...]

Pregnant

I’m pregnant- and not in the obvious third trimester way that my body announces… but in my heart… I’m pregnant.  God has been tinkering with some long-standing baggage that I’ve carried and I’m finally trying to embrace the process of healing that He has me on… and it leaves me feeling pregnant… anticipating new life.  [...]

It's Complex

Inevitably- it seems that whenever I share about our future plans (such as our upcoming excursion to South Africa)… a common phrase gets relayed to me. Normally I don’t linger on it. But this week- when someone (basically) said it’s your life, do what you want with it- it did not go in [...]

Beckoned

I don’t have the words to say how I feelso Lord hear my prayer as I say I am hereI know I’m broken inside…and I’m tempted to hide…but with all that I feel,I just have to kneel…
My tears fall like anchors that keep me in sorrow…I keep looking back-don’t have the strength for tomorrowBut you [...]

I Wrestle

I’ve experienced those times when the hardships of life seem contradictory to the nature of our loving God. And more often than not… I’ve stuffed those feelings or questions and not allowed myself to wrestle with them- for fear that this somehow meant I lacked faith. But this time it is different. My [...]

It Doesn't Make Sense

It has been a hard week… my heart has been carrying a burden for some friends of ours that have been suffering; their three week old son was laid to rest yesterday after spending his three weeks of life in the NICU. The loss is tragic. It doesn’t make sense…
One of the things that has [...]

Steadfast in Trust

My son, Silas, is only 21-months old- but he has a testimony, and I’m compelled to share it. It actually begins before he was born. When Dave and I were meticulously trying to decide on a name, we literally went through hundreds before we settled on Silas, which means steadfast in trust. When [...]

Comfort

These past few weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve endured- physically speaking. And while all I want to do is hide in a pile of blankets… that isn’t an option… so I’m learning about enduring… and I’m learning about comfort. I’ve taken to this new self-soothing technique… when I’m laying down, [...]

Contemplating Parenthood?

I’ve been chewing on a book since August. I read a chapter… underline, write notes in the margin, take a deep breath, put the book down for a week or two…then pick it up again. It’s meaty. For every parent (physical or spiritual) out there… it is a must read. For everyone contemplating parenthood…it’s a [...]

Unexpected

Sometimes God gets a hold of me when I least expect it. I had one of those experiences tonight that I want to share- because it was powerful for me- but at the same time I don’t want to “cheapen” it with my own words. But it was good stuff… actually, it was God stuff.
So, [...]

Struggling for Significance

Over the last couple of days I’ve been in a bit of a rut…a mood, if you will, that I’ve been trying not to set-up camp in… but it is hard to draw myself out of it. Now that we’re a few weeks in to our normal daily grind (me with Silas, Dave doing one [...]

Fizzed Out

It was a simple conversation, some passing words- but they stuck with me. They challenged me. They’ve prompted a change. A few weeks ago we had a quick overnight visit with our friend Niel. As we were driving around we passed a 7-11 gas station and I commented on how I wished I was [...]

Out on a Limb

A quote jumped out at me yesterday; it took me by surprise. I picked up a magazine to do some mindless browsing- and there were these powerful words..staring back at me…not allowing me to meander with purposeless thoughts…
You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimesbecause that’s where the fruit is- Will Rogers

Can you [...]

Teachable Moments

I had a parenting ah-ha moment today. I finally get why, by the end of the day when I’m putting Silas to bed, I feel so tired – and to be honest quite drained. Because every moment of parenting is a teachable moment. From the moment Silas rises, until he is put to bed [...]

For One

In the midst of going through everything in our basement- I came across an old journal of mine, from my 1996 missions trip to Botswana. I couldn’t resist going back through and reading my penned thoughts- the ramblings of a much younger, perhaps simplified me. That trip was the beginning of a huge heart journey [...]

Something to Hold On To

Silas has two security items. When he’s tired- or going to bed- he wants nothing more than his blanket. He loves to draw it up around his face and chew on the corners. Over the past month or so- he’s found a new “daytime” security item… a plastic shovel. He carries it with him [...]

Conformed or Transformed?

Last night, I went out to dinner with my mother-in-law and then I went to a women’s series that her church is hosting through the summer months. The topic was the battlefield of the mind and the pastor’s wife gave the message. It was good- there were truths shared about our innermost thoughts and [...]

Baby Steps

It happened yesterday- Silas took his first steps! Today- his confidence is increasing and he’s walking across our family room… he gets to the other side and claps with pride at this new and very exciting accomplishment!!! For Dave and I, it is thrilling, and an answer to prayer. We both wanted this huge milestone [...]

Planet Earth

This is probably the first year I was mindful of earth day- which was this past Sunday. I’ve been watching the incredible Discovery channel mini-series for the past 10 weeks called Planet Earth. It had footage from all ends of the earth and the cinematography was absolutely amazing. The creators of this program captured so [...]

I Know I Can

My mantra this week has become “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…” and in those moments when strength wells up from my spirit I’m saying “I know I can, I know I can, I know I can!!!” Let me explain…
By Sunday night I had a raging soar throat [...]

Wait = Strength

The last few weeks have been difficult and draining, for more reasons than I will share in this space. I’ve been challenged in new ways to hold fast to the strength that can come when I allow Jesus to be my source of complete renewal. I feel like I’ve been living Isaiah 40:31- “they that [...]

Fragile

Life is so fragile- I know this… but I so often seem to forget. Those “wake-up” moments impact my thought process for awhile but then slowly but surely I take for granted my daily grind… and I assume that I will grow old on this earth- watch my son grow up- form lots of future [...]

Where's Your Spotlight?

In church yesterday, one of the pastors shared a message about loving your neighbors and what that really looks like for us today. At one point- he talked about how hard this is for us to do- because our tendency is to want to outshine those around us. Generally- when someone else is [...]

Christmas Christians

This holiday season I’ve been experiencing a slew of thoughts and frustrations that I’ve never had in seasons past- or maybe heartbreak would be a better description. I don’t want this to sound soap-boxy, but it might… so consider yourself warned. I’m aggravated by Christmas Christians… people of all ages who bellow out Christmas carols [...]

I Stand Corrected

So, those of you that know me well, know that preparing for our big move back in August was really challenging for me. I have to admit that inside my heart I knew that embracing this big change was the right step to take, but at the same time I felt as though my heels [...]

It's You

The beauty of the sunriseThe wonder of the starsThe power behind crashing wavesThe life in fire’s flames
Jesus it’s you- all around meReminders of your presence are everywhere I turnIt’s you, Jesus it’s youThe beautiful, the reverent, this presence- it’s you
The joy behind my laughterThe comfort in my tearsThe melody of my songThe movement in my [...]

A Reverent Stupor

Have you ever had one of those moments of experiencing a connection with God that takes you off of your hinges? I had one of those in church today- one of those knock-the-wind out of me moments of encountering a love so profound that it left me in a stupor of reverence. There was nothing [...]

Destiny Moments

Yesterday in church one of our pastors was challenging us on destiny and purpose. She started her message by having everyone think about and write down three destiny moments we’ve experienced in our lives that point us to God’s greater purpose for us. One of my more poignant destiny moments came immediately to mind… and [...]

Adoration

In adoration, I bow before your thrown
In adoration, I raise my hands to you
In adoration, I sing my song of praise
I love you Lord, I love you Lord

In adoration, I sit at your feetIn adoration, I cry out for your faceIn adoration, I stand before you LordI am yours, I am yours

Drench me [...]

Let Me Have It

Silas is 7-1/2 months old and he has his first nasty cold. He’s taking it like a champ; after waking up and being vertical for awhile he finds ways to still be cheery and playful. But he also seems a little needier than usual- he wants to be held a lot and he moans a [...]

Beautiful

Beautiful handsBeautiful feetBeautiful wounds that cut so deepBeautifully broken, broken for meYour life poured out- to make me free
Take the chains that I hold on toShow me the liberty that you intendExpose deceptions that I believeFor you paid the price- you set me free
With your beautiful hands,Beautiful feet,Beautiful wounds that cut so deep,Beautifully broken, broken [...]

Mercy

I’ve been surprised that in the weeks following my loss of Remington- I’ve been learning about mercy, and wrestling with it a bit. Mercy is an attribute of God that always made me feel warm and fuzzy inside- an attribute that I considered “safe” when in a line-up of other divine attributes, that naturally gave [...]

Ah-Ha

I have discovered a deeply profound truth: Moving is stressful. I know this is groundbreaking- perhaps even earth shattering. In the last week, our home has transformed into simply a house. A wall in our family room is piled from floor to almost-ceiling with boxes and Rubbermaid tubs. They are filed with possessions shoddily wrapped [...]

Moment by Moment

This past week I’ve been surprised at how many lessons parenting holds for me that aren’t necessarily directly related to being a mom. It’s like a whole new deep cavern of my being has been opened and the initial shock of light that has been the adjustment to parenthood is now starting to foster change [...]