Nov 21 Learning about Love

My kiddos teach me so much about love- it’s actually hard for this wordy girl to begin putting these lessons into words.  Like how love is never earned, it’s always given.  How love is never withheld, it’s abundant.  How love isn’t contingent on anything- it just is.

The last week or so, Ellie has discovered her “voice.” When something is happening that she doesn’t like, or when I say no- she screams at the top of her lungs. It’s not fun. It’s annoying. It triggers chaos and invites Silas to start screaming too.  It pushes me towards a mommy-meltdown and a few times I’ve fallen flat on my face in my quest to always respond to my children in love.  All of this to say, I’m in a challenging season of parenting. But what I’ve learned is that my love for my kids is actually only increasing. My desire to parent them well seems kicked up a notch, maybe because doing so is requiring more from me now more than ever. My actions have to be more intentional and my selfish tendencies need pushed a little further aside. It’s not easy and I don’t do it perfectly (by any means) but it’s making me grow.

As I was putting Ellie to bed last night, she fell asleep in my arms.  I was looking down at her little hand clutching my shirt while her curls were tickling my cheek. I was overwhelmed with how much I love her- how much I love my kids.  And then my heart instantly knew, He loves me just the same.

Nov 16 TIA: This is America…

When I use the acronym TIA, I’m normally referencing something that makes me shake my head and say, this is Africa.  Having been stateside for 48 hours now, I find myself saying TIA a lot… but referencing the culture shock and “new” experiences I’m having here at home (which feels totally bizarre).

So- here are my observations (disclaimer: be sure to read them for just what they are- I’m not attaching any good/bad/better/worse labels to anything):

- There are so many options here… regarding anything I could possibly be looking for. I’m overwhelmed by choice.

- At home in S. Africa, I’m surrounded by beautiful nature and functional interiors.  Here, I’m surrounded by beautiful interiors and an overlook-able landscape. It’s kinda weird.

- I’m amazed at the differences in living functionally verses comfortably. And feeling the dissonance between practicalities and luxuries.  There are lots of luxuries here disguised as practicalities.

- People are friendly here and customer service actually still exists. Consumers are sought after, not expected, and dare I say the customer is still always right.

- Having a heated home is simply marvelous.

- America is a stimulating place. It’s amazing and wonderful- but even the silence feels loud. My heart is easily distracted by all things shiny.

Nov 13 She’s All-In

Nov 11 All-In

I’ve only played poker a handful of times- but I love that moment when you push all of your chips to the middle of the table and say “all in”.  I love that phrase and the weight behind it.  I love the carefree appearance of a calculated move.  When you’re all-in, it’s purposeful and intentional yet it’s full of releasing control.

Lately, God’s been asking me if I’m all-in.  All-in Him.  All-in where He wants me to be. All-in what He wants me to be doing.

So here it goes…

I’m all-in.

Nov 08 Gear-Up, Tune-Up

This is a big week.  Take a long, slow inhale with me…

One thing I know for sure- is that our family has never really done things on a small scale… especially when it comes to change.  When something changes, everything changes.  But more on that later…

So back to this week:  I have a crazy work week ahead… then, on Friday our family of 4 will begin our nearly 40-hour door to door journey from South Africa to Ohio.  The itinerary goes something like this: leave the farm early Friday morning (Thursday night American EST), drive 3 hours to the airport, catch a 17 hour direct flight to DC, have a layover, catch another flight to Ohio and finally reach our destination Saturday night (afternoon EST).   I’m already praying for some seriously angelic children (pray for all of us- PLEASE).

I guess it’s later enough: As if our travels aren’t enough to gear-up for, how about I throw in a move too?  Yeah. I’m not just packing for this trip. I’m packing up the contents of my house so that I can be “moved” while I’m gone… and when I get back to South Africa in December- I’ll have a new (to me) home. Holy cow. It feels a little crazy.

So, here’s where you come in. Music is totally therapeutic for me. A must-have when I’m stressed. An outlet when I need to blow off some steam. So- help me tune-up as I gear-up. Tell me whats been on repeat on your iPod or your top 3 must-have songs.

…seriously. Help a sister out!

(okay… exhale!)

Nov 03 Like A Thief in the Night

The enemy of our hearts is described as a thief in the night (John 10:10).  This has become a loaded description for me since we’ve had 4 break-ins on our mission base over the past three months. In response, we’ve set up a night-watch patrol schedule, put alarms on some of the buildings, and taken measures to add security and visibility across these 2500 acres.  But a thief still lurks- and he made an appearance again last week.

What I’ve learned about middle of the night thieves is this:

-          They have a plan and their actions are purposeful

-          They use the cover of darkness strategically

-          Their actions are often only discovered once the light of day reveals the wreckage left behind

-          They look for areas of vulnerability and target those first

And so it is with the enemy of my soul. I shouldn’t overlook how he tries to weasel in to my thoughts and my heart.  Because when he tries to sneak into my life, his actions are purposeful and strategic- wanting to see me crumble in a pile of selfish wreckage.  What he wants me to embrace as an acceptable shade of gray really fits in to black or white. What he wants me to rationalize into my life, is really a fertile seed that will yield some form of harvest- either of death or life. What he wants me to flirt with because it satisfies some deeper longing in me, is really an attempt to take my eyes off of the One who makes me whole.

God, shine your light on me.

Nov 01 My Ceiling, Their Floor

In recent months, a specific idea has been a driving force behind my parenting:  I want the ceiling of my life- the highest heights of my inward and outward journey- to be my children’s proverbial floor.  To parent Silas and Ellie in such a way that the things I’m learning (about spirituality, character, authenticity, etc.) become part of their lives, or seeds in their hearts, at the same time they are becoming a part of mine. In this way, things that are growth for me as an adult become foundational for them as children.   Don’t worry. I’m not ignoring developmental milestones and the natural process of spiritual growth.  But I am confident that my children’s wings will eventually stretch wider and their roots will go deeper than what I experience in my own life. And that overwhelms my heart with thankfulness.

I’m also overwhelmed that this same idea flows from the Father’s heart for you and me.  Just listen: “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father.  You can ask for anything in my name and I will do it, so the Son can bring glory to the Father” (John 14:12-13).

I still can’t bring myself to fully embrace that. His ceiling, my floor? And yet- that’s His heart for me as my Father. The only reason I can even begin to “get it” is because it’s also my heart as a mother.

Oct 28 I Am One

My friend Danielle recently put a quote on the header of her blog- and it’s resonating in my heart. Challenging me. Making me determined to live for something (someOne) rather than being distracted by everything (everyone).  I couldn’t help but share it with you in this space too…

“I am only one, but I am one. I can not do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.” – Edward Everett Hale

As one, what can you do??

Oct 27 In Their Words…

I’m pretty vocal about my discomfort in being described as a missionary, but the truth is, I love what I do. And every now and again I get to hear in their words about how Thrive Africa is making a difference.  In my role as Interim Director, I’m normally a behind-a-desk administrator but occasionally I get to be a front-lines participant in our various programs and outreaches. This was true at our final Hand in Hand pastor’s conference that took place a few weeks ago. This week I’ve been reading through and mulling over the feedback forms our attendees completed and I’ve been so encouraged by their responses. Here are a few highlights- in their words:

“God has touched my heart in a very different way that I feel when I leave this place I am going to tell people to follow me.” – Katherine Moloi

“God has taken my spirit higher and made me realize that I need Jesus in everything I do to be a leader.  This conference has also help[ed] me to know that I am an ambassador of Christ.”  - Mariam Tladi

“I have been completely changed by the Word of God.  It has empowered me to go out and make disciples.”  - Mofokeng P. Joseph

“God has changed my life with these teachings.  I have learned a lot about being a leader and I want to be effective when coming to things of God.” – Makhanya Sesi

“I have learned a lot about leadership and how I can train leaders. Also that we need to let our lives to do the talking.” – Reverend M. Motsapi

Oct 26 The Best Of…

Our week in Gonubie:

and I can’t leave out the “bests” that weren’t captured in photos:
- having time with friends was totally priceless
- talking over Starbucks coffee was pure bliss
- enjoying the Indian Ocean was fantastic!
- hitting up Gonubie’s fabulous grocery stores and stocking up on imported goods just totally made me smile
- watching Silas play till he could literally play no-more on his own personal jumping castle made my mom’s heart soar.
- and the list goes on, and on, and on… but I’ll leave it at that.

Thank you Kristi and Daniel for EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!